I Am Now Out of Odds…And I still can’t even.

A continuation of “Right Now I Am Out of Evens…And fucks. I have 0 fucks….”

Just recently we pulled out (lolol) completely as The Taliban retook the government and immediately began implementing sexist legislation. As of 2 days ago, men are no longer able to teach co-ed classes, so once again, the education for Afghani women will be revoked, and they will be forced to live in fear, without education. Someone recently pointed an important point home for me: The women of your generation have grown up with an education, and now, it’s been stripped away from them. For those who aren’t familiar, taking away the education of the people is the easiest way for dictators to keep their subjects in line.

When I began my quest as a young and dumb researcher, as I learned the long, complicated history of Afghanistan, I was struck by the notion that this was a country that never learned self-sustainability; someone has always occupied it.

Learning about the mujahedin, and subsequently Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden’s war on the west, stating the US would be no better than Russia. I’m stunned by the hatred now felt for America over there, created and fueled by America.

And I can’t help but feel like a much smaller, less overtly sexist battle over women’s right, but at the same time, hits us the same way I imagine Afghani women are feeling.

Instead of fearing stoning, lashings, and public humiliation, we are fearing our lives will ruined by r@p3, then being forced to carry the offender’s child. Women are forced to wear a full burqa, and American women are blamed for crimes against them because of what they’re wearing. Women of both countries will be blamed for their assaults, but instead of public torture, we are publicly shamed because “we were asking for it”.

One of my favorite YouTube Creators, Joe Scott, made a video awhile back stating many countries are currently being led fascist-like leaders, and in the past 20 years of American history, we have had a deeply Christian administration, and another who pandered to “Christian” supporters, and giving their radicalism a platform.

Why, in the “Greatest Country on Earth”, still living under oppressive Puritanical values in 20-fucking-21? Why have we, as a country and America, as a sovereign government, kept subscribing to these conservative values when Europe, in particular, have normalized the human body.

Why are we still punishing sex workers for fulfilling an important role in society: as long as there are horny people in the world, there will always be a need for sex workers, similarly to divorce lawyers; as long as people are getting married, there will always be a need for Family Lawyers. Why criminalize their behavior and denounce their worth as humans in such a way as to deny them the same rights as anyone else to call the police when they fear for their lives during work.

What the fuck is everyone so afraid of?

Is a nipple going to gauge your eyes out? No! Cause if they did, I’m pretty sure there would be far fewer babies.

Does the vagina have teeth which could bite off your dick? Sometimes we wish, but no.

Why does looking at cleavage send people in a blind rage? Babies get excited to see cleavage!

Just why?

And what boggles my mind is the Ring-Wing Christians can’t see the connection between certain current politicians and values of their hated Radical Muslim siblings; they see themselves as wholly different, when in reality, they both stand for the same dumb shit.

Americans look to Afghanistan with pity as it is being torn apart, but other countries are currently looking at America, Texas in particular, for the same reasons.

We had civilians storm the Capitol building because they were being false information by an elected “leader” as a form of revenge for not being re-elected. There were democratic house representatives fleeing the State of Texas in order to stall an unconstitutional vote against reproductive rights.

What the actual fuck is going on?

I literally can’t even.

#savetheuterus

Growth

This once clueless, flighty girl

Now weeps in this excruciating time of growth;

All the years of being comfortably numb are catching up, and I can’t hide any more;

I won’t hide;

Abandoned memories,

Suppressed hurt,

Festered into rage and resentment.

All my lonely tears are crashing into me; I’m drowning.

The hurt runs deep in my veins and into my heart;

Why did I deserve this?

Are you satisfied?

Dragging this baggage is too heavy anymore;

I’ll simply leave it and I won’t look back.

Good bye.

Reflecting For The Week

TW: Brief mention of r***, incest, and abortions.

Today was both a good, and a bad day. I started off with tender breasts, PMS, and a fuzzy brain.

I was supposed to go to a lunch of a family friend, but epilepsy said, “Nah.” Luckily my amazing husband went to the store upon my request and picked up my Diet Coke, Twix, and Starbursts. Then he gave them to me and hid in his man cave. Wise man.

Later, Patrick and moved shit around in the apartment, to both change the energy flow, and to organize and store shit. We got a lot of work done today, and I can feel it. I finally smudged the apartment, after “thinking about it” for weeks. I feel so light, like a plastic bag, floating in the wind.

Lately, though, I’ve been really emotional, but not because of hormones. In Texas, they are trying to ban abortions after 6 weeks, regardless of r*** or incest, and make it possible for ANY ONE to sue someone they suspect who’s received an abortion, or someone they suspect performs abortions. The person doesn’t even have to be guilty of the “crime” to be sued, just suspected. The State of Missouri is now trying to ban IUD’s, because they’re considered aiding in abortion.

I feel so violated and angry. I have never been pregnant, and actively avoid pregnancy, as it often leads to children. But what if my birth control fails? What if the worst possible outcome occurred, but I’m forced to grow that person’s seed?

These situations occur EVERY DAY. A woman from my past became pregnant when the manufacturer of her birth control filled the whole month of her cycle with placebos, instead of the hormonal BC. I’m sure she was one of thousands who unknowingly became pregnant.

The woman showed no symptoms of being pregnant, and all the while she was receiving heavy treatment for Covid-19 symptoms. She was 18 weeks along when she found out; the fetus was severely underdeveloped, and had the pregnancy gone to term, the child would have come out with horrifying side effects of this treatment. This doesn’t begin to unpack the trauma, excruciating pain, and worsened sickness for this woman.

Women don’t have abortions to fill out a punch card; it is a last resort when everything else has failed.

This has been weighing on my mind as heavy as 25 cats. For the first time in my life, I am terrified for my future. I live in America – the land of the free, and home of the brave. This isn’t supposed to be happening in America; these things happen “over there”. Where is my freedom? Where is the freedom for other women?

My real fear is, what’s next after abortions and IUD’s? Will hormonal birth control be next? And then, will we be too busy being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen to have a job or be educated?

It’s not “just” banning abortions; it’s a slippery slope back to the 1950’s.

Pro-Choice ≠ Pro-Abortion

But. I’m at the point in my life where I know if I don’t speak up, and evangelize for us as women, that I’m apart of the problem, and I am done being apart of the silent majority.

I was not born to be normal; I was born and raised not run away from a fight, rather, grab my sword and beat it until it cries for its momma. I was born to lead, and I was raised to get shit done.

So that is exactly what I’m going to do.

My metaphorical pen will be my sword. I will share stories of women I’ve crossed paths with throughout my ridiculously traumatic and unstable life.

I hope you will join me by speaking your truth, or just sharing this piece; help start a larger conversation.

Let’s start a revolution. #SaveTheUterus