Phoenix SFX Makeup

For those of you who don’t know, I am a certified makeup artist, and in my certification curriculum was an Intro to SFX class.

I learn all of the cool shit, like zombie makeup, burn makeup, injuries, etc., but I also learned incredibly useful things like bone structure, and how to re-create it, and how to properly use it for correction makeup.

So here is a look that I created, and that I’m incredibly proud of. It’s been a really long time since I’ve done any true SFX makeup, and was able to use makeup that I already had.

It feels profoundly liberating to be able to create art like this again. I’m so grateful.

Rise of the Phoenix

The only not so fun part is clean-up. My sink looked like a crime scene, and I now have red stained rags, but it was so, so beyond worth it.

Crime Scene Makeup Removal

For the first time in a long time, I feel a creative shift in my life, and I am so deeply grateful.

Thank you so much for your time; I am grateful.

Setting Intentions for the Week

Thank you in advance for sleep, and for my body feeling rested. Thank you in advance for good health, and no seizures because of the Houston heat.

Thank you in advance for financial prosperity, million dollar ideas, business growth, and connections. I’m grateful to have a job, and I’m grateful for the warm welcome back into my community.

Thank you in advance for pulling myself out of my tiny hole called home, and embracing fashion, creativity, and community.

Thank you in advance for love, empathy, kindness, and support. I’m grateful for my friends, my small circle of acquaintances, and my family.

I’m grateful for being a strong woman with a presence. Thank you in advance for stepping into my power, letting go of fear, and allowing my success speak to the shitty people that have been in my life, rather than feeling the need to justify my actions.

Thank you in advance for interesting, successful research, which will lead to opportunities for papers and consulting gigs.

Thank you in advance for diversifying my income, and for working smarter, not harder.

I am grateful for my power of observation, my wit, analytical skills, and my ability to see things others miss.

Thank you in advance for a long, healthy life, and body, please forgive me for being such an ass hole to you. We need a solution to this chronic pain, but eating healthy is hard (lolol).

Thank you in advance for an amazing week!

Setting Intentions for the Week

Thank you in advance for your time.

Thank you in advance for finishing my current book. What did it teach me? How does it serve me? How can I implement what serves me into my life?

Thank you in advance for starting a fresh book and engrossing myself in it.

Thank you in advance for feeling more at home on my blog, and for publishing 3 times this week.

Thank you in advance for 10 likes this week.

Thank you in advance for proactive laziness.

Thank you in advance for good health for Patrick, the babies and and I.

Thank you in advance for clarity and getting my ass into gear. Thank you in advance for creating for setting my priorities and creating an actionable plan by planning backwards.

Thank you in advance for job call backs.

Thank you in advance for new glasses.

Thank you in advance for financial prosperity.

Remember: I am in exactly the right place at every moment. Don’t lose faith.

What I Learned This Week

Sometimes, the truth is so much worse than you think, but despite the sheer amount of pain that it causes can be the key to setting you free. What they say is true: Freedom isn’t free.

Living in silence is not living; it’s oppression and fear.

Reaching out to find an answer is better than not ever knowing. Knowledge is power, and I am powerful.

When things are hard, go to your girlfriends and talk some mad smack, and then work through it. It’s the unwritten Burn Book, and it is magical.

Stop looking allowing people from your past take away from the now. You can’t take it back, and you didn’t know.

You are so much stronger than you think.

Finally, the sun will keep shining, time will keep moving, and as long as I take the time to breathe, I’m going to be okay.

I am in exactly the right place at every moment.

Re-Introduction: I am…

Featured

I started this journey in 2019, and since then, I have had my heart and life shattered, I have quietly sorted out most of the pieces, put them back together, only to have my heart shattered again. Then, it felt as if the pieces had been stolen by The Pandemic.

This time, organizing the pieces will still be painful, but putting them back together will be simpler, because I know how to better organize and fit them into place, delicately and deliberately. I am in exactly the right place at every moment.

I am loved.

I am grateful.

I am wise.

I am fierce.

I am resilient.

I am empowered.

I am Enough.

I am a woman that owns my sexuality.

I am the daughter of domestic abuse.

I am a partner, and a soul mate, and a lover.

I am worthy of love and belonging.

I am a dreamer in a rigid world.

I am the woman your mother warned you about; the one that stands her ground, and the star peg in the round hole.

I am a lonely lotus.

The Woman in Black.

The Phoenix Risen.

And I am here to Fuck. Shit. Up.

My Life This Past Year Pt. 2

As a part of my healing process, I started looking into the idea of spirituality. Brene Brown defines spirituality as “recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” 

Royalty Free Photos

It was really difficult for me to open up to the idea of spirituality because I had always thought of myself as agnostic or atheist. I don’t believe in the One Might God, but I also don’t believe that things just happen randomly. Truthfully, I struggled with the idea of atheism for that reason: I don’t believe things just happen randomly; I believe in karma, and soul mates, some sort of order in the universe, but I don’t believe it is a/The God. So I created my own label for my religious beliefs: Spiritual Atheist. I’m sure that someone came up with that terminology much sooner than I did, but when I thought of it, it just seemed to fit.

It has been a real eye-opener for me in a lot of ways. I used to roll my eyes about people that would profess their love for God, and after this experience, I now have a better understanding of why; That is what brings them connection and purpose into their lives. Who am I to judge a normal non-ass hole person for professing their love for Jesus (and by ass hole, I mean the judgy kind). The church that they worship at is just a means for their connection, and if it makes them happy, why judge them? I am grateful that I had the courage to dip into spirituality, because it has taught me a deeply valuable lesson in compassion and empathy.

Re-adjusting to driving after my probationary period was over was incredibly scary. The first time I drove, I had a mini panic attack driving to the gas station 3 minutes down the road. Thankfully Patrick, my husband, was in the car with me and took over. As I felt my meds kicking in and starting feeling safe driving, it became easier. It took a lot of help getting there though; daily dose of Zoloft, therapy, and my own exposure therapy. It was around ~2-3 months for me to finally feel safe driving on a day to day basis, but I generally still won’t get onto the freeways unless absolutely necessary or I have had time to prepare myself, and usually, I’ll take more medication, juuust in case. If I feel crappy on any given day, I won’t drive at all. I never want to have to wake up in a crashed car ever again, so I play it safe.

I mentioned in the last piece that I started a new medication called Topamax. Ughhhh. Oh my dear God, it was the worst medication ever. My hands, feet, face were almost always tingly. It’s that feeling you get when your arm or leg falls asleep, but it just happens regularly, without warning, and all across your face and fingers.

 At first, it made me feel like I was having panic attacks, but I learned to get used to it. The foggy brain was the worst; It literally felt like a really dense fog just parked, very stubbornly, creating a black cloud on my brain. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t put sentences together, I’d forget tiny little details, and it made functioning completely impossible most days. On bad days my brain was only functioning at 30-50% capacity. Gratefully, I was able to have a conversation with my doctor about these side effects, assured me that they were really normal, and we decided to switch things up again. I am now on the generic of Lamictal, which is Lamotragen.

My education has had to be put on hold; I couldn’t focus on school until I find a way to lighten this heavy burden in my soul. Aside from the obvious issues regarding COVID-19, I am no longer able to be on campus as much as I had envisioned, and I’m having to figure out a path that works for me and my disability. I’d been in denial all these years about needing to do so, but I finally have to get my paperwork in order to be considered a student with a disability to have some of my needs accommodated. 

I am grateful that I have my current doctor’s support; my last two doctors would not have been as supportive and would have been incredibly grumpy about filling out the paperwork. Sometimes I wonder with specialists, “What the fuck am I paying to see you for then?!” Lawd have mercy!

I’m in the process of starting my own business and trying to get it off the ground. My goal is to help people with their sexual issues on a very surface level by getting to know them using a questionnaire I created, meant to take the discomfort out of the initial conversation. Ultimately my is to educate them on their bodies, providing resources and exercises to build their confidence and knowledge to give them a better sex life. It’s essentially like a sex coach. I’m also looking into getting a few certifications so that I have a can feel and present more confidently. If you’d like to check out my website, please feel free to click here.

As always, thank you so much for visiting and reading my work. I am incredibly grateful for your time. As well, I would love some feedback on my website and my idea. Please leave a comment below, or you can email me privately at phoenix.sexed@gmail.com.

Thank you. xo