Setting Intentions for the Week

Thank you in advance for your time; time is our most precious asset, so thank you for investing your asset into my work.

My husband shared with me that I tend to bull doze over his needs. And Damn that hit hard. I don’t want to be that type of partner.

Thank you, Goddess, for giving Patrick the courage to share his feelings with me. I am profoundly grateful for his courage to setting the framework for boundaries. I’m so, so proud of him. I’m infinitely grateful to be one half of our whole.

Thank you in advance for keeping Patrick’s needs a fore thought until it becomes second-nature. Thank you in advance for forgiving myself for bull dozing Patrick’s needs; my needs were bull dozed as a child. It’s the only thing I’ve known my whole life. I’m doing my best.

Thank you in advance for a change in my career by entering the law field. Thank you in advance for the opportunity with B’s divorce law office. Thank you in advance for my sponge mind to soak up all of the information for experience. Thank you in advance for the practical knowledge of law, going into law school.

Thank you in advance for the double money during 21 DOB. I am grateful that K contacted me for that time frame, and that she’s willing to work around my schedule at the law firm.

Thank you in advance for allowing that extra income to fund my Maritime Tour. Thank you in advance for a Very Newfie Christmas in Nova Scotia, with Linda, Eric, Dave, Sandra, Scott, and Mayvis and Jade.

Thank you in advance for our safety during Cvd Delta. We are scared of being infected by this mutated virus, and are grateful for our health.

Thank you in advance for art and creativity, for laughter, and for love. Thank you in advance for safety, financial security, and creating a successful side hustle.

I’m grateful for self-awareness, and my growing self-confidence. Thank you in advance for setting the example of confidence and tenacity, for Patrick to learn by my lead.

Thank you in advance for a manageable menstruation, and for continuous efficacy of barrier BC. We have decided to remain childless, and thank you in advance for no pregnancy.

Thank you in advance for a marvelous week, full of knowledge, newness, and creativity. Thank you for my health; I’m profoundly grateful for all of your gifts, Goddess.

Blessed Be.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I hate how stupid and shallow others are and how much they look and act like me… ☼ Sometimes I think I second-guess myself too much; but, …

Sometimes…

“Sometimes I wish I were transparent because I get tired of having to move when people want to see something behind me.”

So powerful, and so human. Highly recommend the read!

I’m So Grateful!!

After only a couple of weeks since the launch, and 50 views 🥰❤️‍🔥 Doesn’t seem like a lot on the surface, but side hustles start slow.

Haven’t seen my website yet? Check out Autumnal Beauty! I specialize in beauty education! Check out my portfolio! Stay awhile 🥰

Coming Soon: Cheat Sheets, Tutorials, Beauty 101 lessons, and brutally authentic product reviews.

Stay tuned 🥰🌈😘❤️‍🔥🦄💋

And I’d be even more grateful than all the gratefulness if you’d subscribe to my blog, and if you’re feeling frisky, Autumnal Beauty too! I post cool stuff, about people, places, and things!

Join the dark side. We have cats. And cake 😘

My Calling In Life…And How I Got There

So, I have a confession to make: I have a special place in my heart for Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3. I know. SHAME. But hear me out.

I am such a huge Natalie Portman fan; she’s classy, opinionated, intense, she’s beyond talented, and she lives her life with a deep sense of integrity. In case you aren’t familiar with the movies, *spoiler alert*, she starred as Queen Padme Amidala of Naboo. She was elected queen in a democratic election because she was smart, level-headed, and a natural-born leader.

An iconic quote from Amidala in Episode Three, that was burned into my brain, “So this is how liberty dies:…with thunderous applause.” It’s a haunting statement which has stayed with me during many local, federal, and a particularly traumatic election in 2016.

In my senior year of high school, I knew I wanted to do advocacy work; I was obsessed with somehow being an intern at The United Nations, but I just didn’t understand my path; I didn’t know how to get there. I have been so lost in my quest to find my path, I stumbled off my path many, many times, before it hit me. Like, just a few months ago, and my old (feeling) ass is 32. I have been working on my BA since 2014. Holy shit. Adulting and making these hard decisions is stupid; high school did not prepare me for this shit!

I have known since childhood that psychology was in my bones, and I had a deep fascination with human behavior. Why do people act this way? How did they get here? Truthfully, I blame Batman The Animated series for discovering this fascination. Bruce Wayne is FUCKED. Actually, everyone in that show is fucked.

I digress.

And one night, while experiencing an existential crisis, I watched “Legally Blonde” for the 150th time. And then it hit me: Law School. I didn’t know if I necessarily wanted to practice law, but I wanted to have a base knowledge of government, laws, and how to change legislation.

Can you tell that movies and TV had a strong impact on my life?

I am NOT a famous person, but I am a woman with a big mouth, and a thirst for knowledge. If I wanted to change the world, I have to understand government, and I have to understand the people in the system. I might be little, and a friendly smile, but under this bubbly, happy exterior, lies a fiercely passionate woman, raised to lead.

I have two generations of strong, opinionated woman that give/gave 0 fucks about gender and societal norms. They’re flawed, but strong. They raised me to fuck shit up (even if they’d be shaking their head sometimes).

I’m the woman society warned us about: intelligent, witty, talented, hilarious, opinionated, and I constantly question the status quo.

If you like what I have to say, I’d be so grateful if you’d share, and possibly subscribe. Pweeeeseee??

I am so grateful for your time. Stay safe, wear a mask, and make good choices (or just don’t get caught making bad ones).

Byeeeeee.

#SaveTheUterus

My Life This Past Year Pt. 2

As a part of my healing process, I started looking into the idea of spirituality. Brene Brown defines spirituality as “recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” 

Royalty Free Photos

It was really difficult for me to open up to the idea of spirituality because I had always thought of myself as agnostic or atheist. I don’t believe in the One Might God, but I also don’t believe that things just happen randomly. Truthfully, I struggled with the idea of atheism for that reason: I don’t believe things just happen randomly; I believe in karma, and soul mates, some sort of order in the universe, but I don’t believe it is a/The God. So I created my own label for my religious beliefs: Spiritual Atheist. I’m sure that someone came up with that terminology much sooner than I did, but when I thought of it, it just seemed to fit.

It has been a real eye-opener for me in a lot of ways. I used to roll my eyes about people that would profess their love for God, and after this experience, I now have a better understanding of why; That is what brings them connection and purpose into their lives. Who am I to judge a normal non-ass hole person for professing their love for Jesus (and by ass hole, I mean the judgy kind). The church that they worship at is just a means for their connection, and if it makes them happy, why judge them? I am grateful that I had the courage to dip into spirituality, because it has taught me a deeply valuable lesson in compassion and empathy.

Re-adjusting to driving after my probationary period was over was incredibly scary. The first time I drove, I had a mini panic attack driving to the gas station 3 minutes down the road. Thankfully Patrick, my husband, was in the car with me and took over. As I felt my meds kicking in and starting feeling safe driving, it became easier. It took a lot of help getting there though; daily dose of Zoloft, therapy, and my own exposure therapy. It was around ~2-3 months for me to finally feel safe driving on a day to day basis, but I generally still won’t get onto the freeways unless absolutely necessary or I have had time to prepare myself, and usually, I’ll take more medication, juuust in case. If I feel crappy on any given day, I won’t drive at all. I never want to have to wake up in a crashed car ever again, so I play it safe.

I mentioned in the last piece that I started a new medication called Topamax. Ughhhh. Oh my dear God, it was the worst medication ever. My hands, feet, face were almost always tingly. It’s that feeling you get when your arm or leg falls asleep, but it just happens regularly, without warning, and all across your face and fingers.

 At first, it made me feel like I was having panic attacks, but I learned to get used to it. The foggy brain was the worst; It literally felt like a really dense fog just parked, very stubbornly, creating a black cloud on my brain. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t put sentences together, I’d forget tiny little details, and it made functioning completely impossible most days. On bad days my brain was only functioning at 30-50% capacity. Gratefully, I was able to have a conversation with my doctor about these side effects, assured me that they were really normal, and we decided to switch things up again. I am now on the generic of Lamictal, which is Lamotragen.

My education has had to be put on hold; I couldn’t focus on school until I find a way to lighten this heavy burden in my soul. Aside from the obvious issues regarding COVID-19, I am no longer able to be on campus as much as I had envisioned, and I’m having to figure out a path that works for me and my disability. I’d been in denial all these years about needing to do so, but I finally have to get my paperwork in order to be considered a student with a disability to have some of my needs accommodated. 

I am grateful that I have my current doctor’s support; my last two doctors would not have been as supportive and would have been incredibly grumpy about filling out the paperwork. Sometimes I wonder with specialists, “What the fuck am I paying to see you for then?!” Lawd have mercy!

I’m in the process of starting my own business and trying to get it off the ground. My goal is to help people with their sexual issues on a very surface level by getting to know them using a questionnaire I created, meant to take the discomfort out of the initial conversation. Ultimately my is to educate them on their bodies, providing resources and exercises to build their confidence and knowledge to give them a better sex life. It’s essentially like a sex coach. I’m also looking into getting a few certifications so that I have a can feel and present more confidently. If you’d like to check out my website, please feel free to click here.

As always, thank you so much for visiting and reading my work. I am incredibly grateful for your time. As well, I would love some feedback on my website and my idea. Please leave a comment below, or you can email me privately at phoenix.sexed@gmail.com.

Thank you. xo