I Am Now Out of Odds…And I still can’t even.

A continuation of “Right Now I Am Out of Evens…And fucks. I have 0 fucks….”

Just recently we pulled out (lolol) completely as The Taliban retook the government and immediately began implementing sexist legislation. As of 2 days ago, men are no longer able to teach co-ed classes, so once again, the education for Afghani women will be revoked, and they will be forced to live in fear, without education. Someone recently pointed an important point home for me: The women of your generation have grown up with an education, and now, it’s been stripped away from them. For those who aren’t familiar, taking away the education of the people is the easiest way for dictators to keep their subjects in line.

When I began my quest as a young and dumb researcher, as I learned the long, complicated history of Afghanistan, I was struck by the notion that this was a country that never learned self-sustainability; someone has always occupied it.

Learning about the mujahedin, and subsequently Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden’s war on the west, stating the US would be no better than Russia. I’m stunned by the hatred now felt for America over there, created and fueled by America.

And I can’t help but feel like a much smaller, less overtly sexist battle over women’s right, but at the same time, hits us the same way I imagine Afghani women are feeling.

Instead of fearing stoning, lashings, and public humiliation, we are fearing our lives will ruined by r@p3, then being forced to carry the offender’s child. Women are forced to wear a full burqa, and American women are blamed for crimes against them because of what they’re wearing. Women of both countries will be blamed for their assaults, but instead of public torture, we are publicly shamed because “we were asking for it”.

One of my favorite YouTube Creators, Joe Scott, made a video awhile back stating many countries are currently being led fascist-like leaders, and in the past 20 years of American history, we have had a deeply Christian administration, and another who pandered to “Christian” supporters, and giving their radicalism a platform.

Why, in the “Greatest Country on Earth”, still living under oppressive Puritanical values in 20-fucking-21? Why have we, as a country and America, as a sovereign government, kept subscribing to these conservative values when Europe, in particular, have normalized the human body.

Why are we still punishing sex workers for fulfilling an important role in society: as long as there are horny people in the world, there will always be a need for sex workers, similarly to divorce lawyers; as long as people are getting married, there will always be a need for Family Lawyers. Why criminalize their behavior and denounce their worth as humans in such a way as to deny them the same rights as anyone else to call the police when they fear for their lives during work.

What the fuck is everyone so afraid of?

Is a nipple going to gauge your eyes out? No! Cause if they did, I’m pretty sure there would be far fewer babies.

Does the vagina have teeth which could bite off your dick? Sometimes we wish, but no.

Why does looking at cleavage send people in a blind rage? Babies get excited to see cleavage!

Just why?

And what boggles my mind is the Ring-Wing Christians can’t see the connection between certain current politicians and values of their hated Radical Muslim siblings; they see themselves as wholly different, when in reality, they both stand for the same dumb shit.

Americans look to Afghanistan with pity as it is being torn apart, but other countries are currently looking at America, Texas in particular, for the same reasons.

We had civilians storm the Capitol building because they were being false information by an elected “leader” as a form of revenge for not being re-elected. There were democratic house representatives fleeing the State of Texas in order to stall an unconstitutional vote against reproductive rights.

What the actual fuck is going on?

I literally can’t even.

#savetheuterus

I’m So Grateful!!

After only a couple of weeks since the launch, and 50 views 🥰❤️‍🔥 Doesn’t seem like a lot on the surface, but side hustles start slow.

Haven’t seen my website yet? Check out Autumnal Beauty! I specialize in beauty education! Check out my portfolio! Stay awhile 🥰

Coming Soon: Cheat Sheets, Tutorials, Beauty 101 lessons, and brutally authentic product reviews.

Stay tuned 🥰🌈😘❤️‍🔥🦄💋

And I’d be even more grateful than all the gratefulness if you’d subscribe to my blog, and if you’re feeling frisky, Autumnal Beauty too! I post cool stuff, about people, places, and things!

Join the dark side. We have cats. And cake 😘

The Anxiety Monster

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness.” – Dr. Brene Brown

****Trigger Warning: Graphic description of anxiety in the first paragraph and some minor graphic descriptions below. ****

You all know what I’m talking about: it’s that little tiny monster that sneaks its way into your soul, making you question everything that you do, in the more you question yourself, your sanity, your world, the more it feeds, and the bigger it grows. Eventually, without us realizing, it has turned into this horrid creature that you’ve never seen before, but it is suffocating you, and your knees bend beneath you, and eventually you give up and allow it to take over.

Yeah – that went dark fast, didn’t it? This is probably saying, “Bitch, I don’t come here for the depressing stuff. I come here for the relatable information and occasional humor!” First of all, thank you for thinking that I’m funny; I’ve been working on it 😉 Secondly, this is my show damnit! *pouts*

But in all seriousness, I know that I claim this is a sex education blog, but I think that this needs to be talked about, because as small as my platform is, all it takes is it to reach one person in need for it to be worth it. There is never a gesture too small for someone who genuinely needs and is receptive to help. It just starts with a simple question: “Are you okay?

Any way, back to me! Mine and Patrick’s world have been in a tailspin since the year began, and we were lucky enough to get hit with a triple whammy: financial, family, and moving. We decided to get married this year, I decided to go back to school full time and cut back on working only a couple of days a week, then we found out that Patrick’s father had a stroke and were able to reconnect with his father’s side of the family, but because they live out of town, we rented hotel rooms, and my course load was significantly fuller than I originally anticipated, and I’m rebuilding a relationship with my father, and he just recently met Patrick, and it goes on and on and on.

If that felt like a cluster fuck of information, how do you think we feel? The anxiety is constantly looming; it feels like there’s constantly something that I’m forgetting about, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting to be on high alert ALL OF THE TIME. And to top it off, I’m an empathic fixer: I feel very deeply, process very slowly, and I have the instinct to try and fix things as soon as shit hits the fan. I feel anxiety about the possibility of feeling anxiety. Like, what the fuck is that shit? I can’t fucking even. Side note: anxiety simultaneously brings out the basic white bish and the foul mouthed sailor in me.

And worst yet, I am, what I have dubbed, just right this second, an emotional coat rack. I tend to ask people if they need help, and once they do, they tend to dump their emotional coats on me, which wouldn’t be a problem, except, yep, I said it above, I’m an empathic fixer. And, I suck at asking for help, so as a result, I either internalize (which I didn’t realize the extent to which I do until recently), or I emotionally dump on others, who are also empathic fixers. We emotionally dump like it’s a freaking pyramid scheme, or the PC term we use now, a Multi-level marketing scheme. They can’t fool me; John Oliver told me they’re the same!

So how does this anxiety show itself, you may ask? Probably not, but I’m going to tell you any way. For me, it starts with a little bit of OCD; Did you lock the door? Yes, I’ve checked it 5 times dumb ass. Then, I’ll start nagging, blaming and resenting; He knows I’m pissed off today, why is he still breathing in my general direction? Then, we end up having a stupid argument about something stupid, and we both feel shame and guilt for acting like a cunt muffin towards each other. Finally, we make up, and talk about it and move on.

But fuck does it suck to always be the strong one sometimes. The worst part about emotional dumping how good it feels to get it off your chest. I get tired of being the emotional coat rack sometimes, and sometimes I want to be the one that someone offers to help.

Don’t feel shameful if you’ve never offered to help someone in need; life is hard and hectic, and sometimes, if things just don’t feel like they’re going to line up, you go into survival mode, or as I refer to it, hermit mode. It’s also difficult to open yourself up enough to empathize with others; it can be extremely uncomfortable to dig into a deep part of yourself that say, “I’ve been there too.” The bad memories of those experiences tend to linger and sometimes it feels like you can’t handle someone else’s load (lol load). But sometimes, even a simple hug, a funny meme or a “Just checking in” text can change someones day.

I encourage you to be curious about the things that give you anxiety; the monster wins if you shy away from it. I also encourage you to practice gratitude; when you focus on all of the positive things that are going on, it makes dealing with the hard stuff much easier to manage. Finally, practice noticing the people around you. If you see a mom with a screaming child, being stared at grudgingly by strangers, and clearly flustered, ask her if she needs help. If you haven’t heard from a friend in a long time, send them a text saying that you’re thinking about them. It’s amazing how it can brighten not only their day, but also yours.

#makeamericakindagain #anxiety #empathicfixer #emotionaldumping