Right Now I Am Out of Evens.

…And fucks. I have 0 fucks.

Preface: I started writing this article in late August, and as I have revisited my feelings, I realized I have a lot to say, so I have decided to release this piece into either 2-3 segments, depending on how many more feelings I have. Why? Cause it’s my blog and I can bitches!!

Now enjoy!

I’ve had a deep-festering anger growing since September 11th, 2001. It was the day the life I knew up until that point, was over. My childhood innocence, what little was left, was robbed from me as a I watched two planes slam into The World Trade Center, one at a time, over and over again, on the news.

I was twelve years old on the day my world ended..

And I’m aware this seems over dramatic, but in my twelve year old mind, my world was over.

And in a way, it truly was, because the world that WE knew as a society was over. Bad stuff like that didn’t happen in America; it happened over there. The illusive over there.

I started to witness Islamophobia in a boy from Afghanistan, who was relentlessly bullied. And in evening programming like NCIS, which I see clearly in adulthood, was covert propaganda. These shows demonized brown people, especially men, as terrorists, and gave praise to torture and detainment in facilities like Guantanamo Bay. I say “facilities like” very purposefully, because there are illegal US detainment centers all over the world.

Real men were tortured through expected methods like waterboarding, but also cruel tactics like stripping them naked in a room full of other men, forcing them to stand exposed and vulnerable for everyone to see. Not only is that humiliating and dehumanizing, but in Islam, modesty is a key part of their beliefs. They are both psychologically and spiritually tortured. But (one of the most) horrifying of all was Rectal Rehydration. This is involves having pureed food being fed to detainees through a tube in their anus. Their anus!! That’s some shit only Stephen King should be able to think of. Sources are listed below.

This morning I read an article from Al-Jazeera stating the men suspected of being involved with the plotting of September 11. These men have been held in detainment for 20 years without having faced trial, which is a gross violation of human rights.

But we’ll get there. First, we’ll start from the beginning.

The day began like everyone else felt: a normal, nice day, that slowly unraveled into chaos. I was at school in orchestra class when the chaos began, and I have so many vivid memories of the day that feel unreal now.

I can remember the moment I stepped into the dining room of my kitchen, which was connected to the living room. I stopped to see the TV playing, in the corner of my eye, the footage on (probably) CNN. I watched the tragedy, and time stopped; everything else for the rest of the day is a blur; America and the world sat in silent horror as we all collectively understood what was happening.

I was only in front of the TV for a moment, but that moment was eternity. My soul snapped that day, and at that moment, at twelve years old, my soul ignited in a blue blaze. I didn’t know it then, but it was at that very moment I knew I was born to fight.

I am a fighter. I’ve been a feisty bitch my whole life. You can ask my momma.

I wasn’t born to sit and watch the world around me; I was born to fight for what was right. I didn’t (and still don’t always) know what right was, but I sure as fuck knew what it wasn’t.

When the detested Star Wars: Episode 1-3 came out, I was entranced by Queen Amidala. Mind you, I’m aware she’s a movie character, but I saw so much of myself in Amidala: she was smart, assertive, kind, but commanded authority. She saw corruption when others didn’t, and the moment I heard her utter, “So this is how liberty dies; with thunderous applause,” my world was again changed.

To this day, Episodes 1-3 of the Star Wars franchise have a special place in my heart, even if there was zero chemistry between Christian Haydensen and Natalie Portman, and the CGI was just terrible. Oh. And Jar Jar. Terrible.

These are the words I had been searching for since I watched the planes tear into the tower, literally causing an avalanche of paper, dust, soot, and whatever else, and when The Bush Administration declared war on Iraq.

And now, twenty years later, we have come full circle with Afghanistan. We have left the country in a complete state of darkness, with no line of defense, and no hope. We have fulfilled the prophecies of the Al Quaeda. The US government was only interested in the resources of the Middle East, which is surprisingly not just oil.

The US set up occupation in Afghanistan in the early 2000’s, and after 20 years, with zero aftercare planned, we pulled out (lolol) completely as The Taliban retook the government and immediately began implementing sexist legislation. As of 2 days ago, men are no longer able to teach co-ed classes, so once again, the education for Afghani women will be revoked, and they will be forced to live in fear, without education. For those who aren’t familiar, taking away the education of the people is an easy way for dictators to keep their subjects under a tight thumb.


Part Two Coming Soon.

My Calling In Life…And How I Got There

So, I have a confession to make: I have a special place in my heart for Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3. I know. SHAME. But hear me out.

I am such a huge Natalie Portman fan; she’s classy, opinionated, intense, she’s beyond talented, and she lives her life with a deep sense of integrity. In case you aren’t familiar with the movies, *spoiler alert*, she starred as Queen Padme Amidala of Naboo. She was elected queen in a democratic election because she was smart, level-headed, and a natural-born leader.

An iconic quote from Amidala in Episode Three, that was burned into my brain, “So this is how liberty dies:…with thunderous applause.” It’s a haunting statement which has stayed with me during many local, federal, and a particularly traumatic election in 2016.

In my senior year of high school, I knew I wanted to do advocacy work; I was obsessed with somehow being an intern at The United Nations, but I just didn’t understand my path; I didn’t know how to get there. I have been so lost in my quest to find my path, I stumbled off my path many, many times, before it hit me. Like, just a few months ago, and my old (feeling) ass is 32. I have been working on my BA since 2014. Holy shit. Adulting and making these hard decisions is stupid; high school did not prepare me for this shit!

I have known since childhood that psychology was in my bones, and I had a deep fascination with human behavior. Why do people act this way? How did they get here? Truthfully, I blame Batman The Animated series for discovering this fascination. Bruce Wayne is FUCKED. Actually, everyone in that show is fucked.

I digress.

And one night, while experiencing an existential crisis, I watched “Legally Blonde” for the 150th time. And then it hit me: Law School. I didn’t know if I necessarily wanted to practice law, but I wanted to have a base knowledge of government, laws, and how to change legislation.

Can you tell that movies and TV had a strong impact on my life?

I am NOT a famous person, but I am a woman with a big mouth, and a thirst for knowledge. If I wanted to change the world, I have to understand government, and I have to understand the people in the system. I might be little, and a friendly smile, but under this bubbly, happy exterior, lies a fiercely passionate woman, raised to lead.

I have two generations of strong, opinionated woman that give/gave 0 fucks about gender and societal norms. They’re flawed, but strong. They raised me to fuck shit up (even if they’d be shaking their head sometimes).

I’m the woman society warned us about: intelligent, witty, talented, hilarious, opinionated, and I constantly question the status quo.

If you like what I have to say, I’d be so grateful if you’d share, and possibly subscribe. Pweeeeseee??

I am so grateful for your time. Stay safe, wear a mask, and make good choices (or just don’t get caught making bad ones).