Our Beloved Vader

Today our beloved Vader crossed over the rainbow bridge, but first he got some Reese’s, he took a big ass shit and piss, and went for one last walk. He was our bull in the china shop, and Patrick’s best friend and goodest boy in the whole wide world.

#rainbowbridge #love #dog #dogsofinstagram #goodboy #goodestboy

The Imposter Within Me: Imposter Syndrome

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I’ve been hearing this phrase dropped around quite a bit lately: Imposter Syndrome. I had a general idea of what is meant, and assumed I probably fell under the umbrella somewhere. I kept trying to avoid it, but as we know, what the mind tries to ignore will fester and start to eat you alive. It took me probably a year and a half of hearing that phrase, thinking about looking it up, and then gently putting it on my “Things to Eventually Get To” list in my brain – AKA the shit that’s never gonna fucking get done.

Strangely though, I kept being pulled back to that phrase. So recently, I actually sat down to look it up and my search results ultimately led to Wikipedia – of course. Which, for anyone who thinks that Wikipedia is just garbage, you’re mostly right…. But! Sometimes you can go to the references area and strike gold. I found a few peer reviewed sources (I was shocked too!)

I have never felt good enough to be able to take credit for my small achievements. I always attributed any kind of small success to luck. “Geeze, I was lucky that xyz happened today that I could xyz!” It feels fake to call myself a researcher because I am not in a PhD program. It feels fake to call myself a writer because I don’t have any credentials to be considered one; as far as I’m concerned it’s just a creative outlet, something I have to do for school, and something I enjoy. I don’t even feel like my writing is even that great, even though I’ve been told by others that they enjoy my writing. I think, “They’re just being kind; they don’t actually think that.”

“Women who experience the impostor phenomenon maintain a strong belief that they are not intelligent; in fact, they are convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.” (P. R. CLANCE & S. A. IMES) Great women like Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, …. have all admitted to having issues with imposter syndrome.

“Women who exhibit the impostor phenomenon do not fall into any one diagnostic category. The clinical symptoms most frequently reported are generalized anxiety, lack of self-confidence, depression, and frustration related to inability to meet self-imposed standards of achievement.” .” (P. R. CLANCE & S. A. IMES)

The family conveys to the girl that she is superior in every way—intellect, personality, appearance, talents. There is nothing that she cannot do if she wants to, and she can do it with ease. She is told numerous examples of how she demonstrated her precocity as an infant and toddler, such as learning to talk and read very early or reciting nursery rhymes. In the family members’ eyes she is perfect.

Imposter phenomenon is correlated with anxiety, and rank high on the neuroticism and perfectionism personality score. (SAKULKU, ANDALEXANDER 2011) I am both of those things 😊 Yay!

“a psychological pattern rooted in intense, concealed feelings of fraudulence when faced with achievement tasks”

Impostorism is a self-perception of fraudulence, which is a combination of cognitive and affective components, rather than an emotional disorder

The term Impostor Phenomenon could be easily misinterpreted because the term suggests that “the experience should be viewed as a pervasive mental illness or categorical personality disorder”

the self-perceived impostor feels inauthentic regardless of the views of objective observers

Reading through the list of characteristics of imposter phenomenon and realizing that your personality checks off all of the boxes is incredibly eye-opening.

I Am Now Out of Odds…And I still can’t even.

A continuation of “Right Now I Am Out of Evens…And fucks. I have 0 fucks….”

Just recently we pulled out (lolol) completely as The Taliban retook the government and immediately began implementing sexist legislation. As of 2 days ago, men are no longer able to teach co-ed classes, so once again, the education for Afghani women will be revoked, and they will be forced to live in fear, without education. Someone recently pointed an important point home for me: The women of your generation have grown up with an education, and now, it’s been stripped away from them. For those who aren’t familiar, taking away the education of the people is the easiest way for dictators to keep their subjects in line.

When I began my quest as a young and dumb researcher, as I learned the long, complicated history of Afghanistan, I was struck by the notion that this was a country that never learned self-sustainability; someone has always occupied it.

Learning about the mujahedin, and subsequently Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden’s war on the west, stating the US would be no better than Russia. I’m stunned by the hatred now felt for America over there, created and fueled by America.

And I can’t help but feel like a much smaller, less overtly sexist battle over women’s right, but at the same time, hits us the same way I imagine Afghani women are feeling.

Instead of fearing stoning, lashings, and public humiliation, we are fearing our lives will ruined by r@p3, then being forced to carry the offender’s child. Women are forced to wear a full burqa, and American women are blamed for crimes against them because of what they’re wearing. Women of both countries will be blamed for their assaults, but instead of public torture, we are publicly shamed because “we were asking for it”.

One of my favorite YouTube Creators, Joe Scott, made a video awhile back stating many countries are currently being led fascist-like leaders, and in the past 20 years of American history, we have had a deeply Christian administration, and another who pandered to “Christian” supporters, and giving their radicalism a platform.

Why, in the “Greatest Country on Earth”, still living under oppressive Puritanical values in 20-fucking-21? Why have we, as a country and America, as a sovereign government, kept subscribing to these conservative values when Europe, in particular, have normalized the human body.

Why are we still punishing sex workers for fulfilling an important role in society: as long as there are horny people in the world, there will always be a need for sex workers, similarly to divorce lawyers; as long as people are getting married, there will always be a need for Family Lawyers. Why criminalize their behavior and denounce their worth as humans in such a way as to deny them the same rights as anyone else to call the police when they fear for their lives during work.

What the fuck is everyone so afraid of?

Is a nipple going to gauge your eyes out? No! Cause if they did, I’m pretty sure there would be far fewer babies.

Does the vagina have teeth which could bite off your dick? Sometimes we wish, but no.

Why does looking at cleavage send people in a blind rage? Babies get excited to see cleavage!

Just why?

And what boggles my mind is the Ring-Wing Christians can’t see the connection between certain current politicians and values of their hated Radical Muslim siblings; they see themselves as wholly different, when in reality, they both stand for the same dumb shit.

Americans look to Afghanistan with pity as it is being torn apart, but other countries are currently looking at America, Texas in particular, for the same reasons.

We had civilians storm the Capitol building because they were being false information by an elected “leader” as a form of revenge for not being re-elected. There were democratic house representatives fleeing the State of Texas in order to stall an unconstitutional vote against reproductive rights.

What the actual fuck is going on?

I literally can’t even.

#savetheuterus

Growth

This once clueless, flighty girl

Now weeps in this excruciating time of growth;

All the years of being comfortably numb are catching up, and I can’t hide any more;

I won’t hide;

Abandoned memories,

Suppressed hurt,

Festered into rage and resentment.

All my lonely tears are crashing into me; I’m drowning.

The hurt runs deep in my veins and into my heart;

Why did I deserve this?

Are you satisfied?

Dragging this baggage is too heavy anymore;

I’ll simply leave it and I won’t look back.

Good bye.

The Concept of Tampons Breaking the Hymen is Just Ridiculous…..

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Friendly Reminder: You cannot lose your “virginity” to a tampon. Hymen ≠ Virginity

Virginity is a MAN-made construct to keep women in line. Having consensual, safe sex does not make you a slut or any less desirable as a partner, and it definitely does not make you a chewed up piece of gum.

Sex is a natural part of our lives. We are born to have sex; that’s why women menstruate.

Have ALL the safe, consensual sex you want. Pick a good play partner and learn what your body loves and craves, vs what you dislike and feel uncomfortable with.

Learn to say no. Learn how to use protection, and experiment with different types of hormonal or non-hormonal birth control.

Finally, if you decide tempons are the best sanitary product for you, fucking do it. And if you try them and they’re not for you, try something else.